the sheep in ORANGE

Monday, July 09, 2007,12:23 AM

Opportunities come and go, it is up to you to grab them or let them go.

I regretted not going for the trials and allowing the chance of getting into school team to slip away.

But come to think of it, even if I do go for the trials will they even pick me to be on the team? They had already chosen the team for this year since like the start of last year; those who are SKINNY and small. And during the trials, J even refused to give O the chance to trial giving the reason that O will not be able to commit to the training. So if I did go will J even arrange for my trials?

I keep hearing this voice calling out from certain part of my heart/brain praying that they will lose this year's game. Not gold, not silver or even a bronze. I want them to lose to all the rest of the schools and that would at least make me feel better. I guess this is the devil in me? Yes, I admit I am plain evil but put yourself in my perspective, had been training for 2 years plus without much guidance and from knowing nothing up till now (though still amateur) and not being selected to be part of the team, wouldn't you share the same thought as me? Maybe some of you may but I am not so noble.

The games will start from tomorrow still pondering if I should go to watch the match. I don't feel good going down but I am being asked to and I don't know how to reject.

I have no one to confide in. I am not sure how I should face G because she will be flaming furious if she gets to know that I gave up the opportunity when she tried so hard indirectly to help gain the chance. But I still have to answer to her sooner or later.

Things haven't been smooth sailing for me recently or even right from the start when i joined squash.

A pleasant night it would be. Rainy with cool breezes.