the sheep in ORANGE

Sunday, November 29, 2009,3:09 AM

To My Bacteria Darling,

Oh my… seems like we are both quite similar in a way that both of us like to admit to labels that don’t have our names stated on it.

Don’t be so humble. Your English is definitely way more proficient than mine! I had troubles trying to comprehend like one-third of the things you have written and at times I even had to search up the dictionary for those chimo-logy words you used. But then again, maybe I’ve overestimated you. You don’t seem to understand the meaning of ‘need not reply/ shoot back.’ Oh no wait. Now I remember! I advised you. Sorry, it’s my bad.

Aaawww! Then you really do care about me! You took time to type out the entire post to clarify the misconceptions that I had. That’s extremely sweet of you! You need not be shy. I know those things like you don’t care about me and my presence and you did not experience those emotions that I’ve mention are totally untrue.

The fact that you shot me back with that post shows that you actually minds what I commented about you. If you did not feel the dissonance, you would have just ignored my post and get on with your life, as you are not obligated to clarify things with me. But anyway, now you finally got a taste of getting judged by other people when they might not have the right facts huh?

The only reason you replied to my post is because you felt disturbed. A part of you know that what I said is true but another part of you was saying ‘damn that bitch, I can't let her win.’ Hence your beliefs contradict each other and so your emotions are in disharmony. So in order for you to regain the peace in your mind, you have to do something to restore the harmony. Just like what I am doing now.

If I tell you that I am unshaken by your post I’ll be lying. In fact I cried so badly that my girlfriends and Chee Wai got a shock when I phoned them up. And my girlfriend even had to drive all the way to my house to comfort me, telling me to ignore your comments and blah. Actually everyone told me to ignore you but due to my cognitive inconsistency, I can’t.

My mind agreed with what the rest told me to ignore you and rest the matter as you are just being your own self, but my pride does not wants me to do so. You know every time those cartoons will have those angel and devil side of each person? Usually, the devil will just kick the angel out of the picture ya? As usual, my evil pride won the debate. So though it’s a waste of my time, I have to write this post in order erase my belief inconsistency and to regain my emotional peace. By the way, no one thinks that you are playing the bad guy, you were just being truthfully you, the chee bai kia.

Oh ya, before I proceed with the post, I would like to sidetrack a little. Other than credits to my fat bouncy ass, my girlfriends are also a great bunch of lovelies huh!? Always there to back me up when I am at the verge, allowing me to rebound in the shortest time. Thanks babes! Love you all many many! *Muacks!* Yes yes and Chee Wai too. Laugh at his name for all you want. But let me tell you, though his lungs might be black and coated with nicotine, he has a redder and warmer heart compared to yours.

Okay so the root of the problem is you think I’m hungry for man? Whoa. You really get me confused mans. One moment is you felt unjust for Kim, then next cause I added your campmate on msn and now cause I’m a despo. Hmmm let me see. Seems like you are rather lifeless, like to poke your nose in others’ businesses. Other than the adding of Jason thingy, the rest does not involve any of your business.

Regarding your campmate, haven’t I explained umpteen times? Never mind. It’s alright. I understand it must be due to your pea-sized brain, or if you prefer birdbrain, that limits your ability to digest information. Hence, I shall be nice to repeat myself again, I added him for your darn birthday present! But sadly, he doesn’t comes online often and hence I have to contact him through his mobile for which I’ve obtain his number earlier. And I haven’t been harassing him, so do not be worried. There! I think I have made myself clear enough. Well, if it is due to your negative insistence trait that you refuse to take in information, then I can’t help you either.

Aiyo. Ya I confess I’m always hungry, hungry for food. That’s also the reason why I am so fat you see. Hmmm. But hungry for man ah? Neh. If I am hungry for opposite sex, I should be going around, adding all the guys, even those whom I am not aquatinted with but just merely heard of the names from another friend’s mouth. The key point is I did not add any of your other friends on MSN nor Facebook. Yeah. I know Heong Chee warned them off me. But I think both you and Heong Chee missed out another critical point that is I did not add them and it isn’t because they did not accept me. Oh right. I should keep in mind the size of your brain at all times.

Please don’t push me around, no other one actually thinks that I’m their parasite. I feel so lost without you. But then I have not gain anything from being your parasite, but you on the other hand had gain quite a lot of favors from me huh. Do you need me to list them out one by one? If you need, I am more than willing to do up the list for you when I have the time.

Hais. It is pretty depressing now that I’ve been downgraded to an ‘it’ as well. But I must say you have got no originality mans. Oh oh but the smile till my lips crack is quite funny though. Interesting! It was my first time seeing this type of description. I can’t picture anyone smiling till their lips crack! Well unless their lips are extremely dry and I doubt mine will cause I’m still using the strawberry lip balm I bought! Remember? Kissable lips!

Wrecks havoc in two camps and a bunch of guys? Just me? Alone? I marvel how you actually think I am capable of doing it. But thanks thanks. You made me sound like a true pro. Though you detest me to the core, yet you have such high opinions of me, really thank you very much.

Yes, you may say that my skin is like ultra super thick but a healthy dose of self-serving daily is always good for your self-esteem. My life will be really miserable if I were to view life too pessimistically. But of course it is commonsensical knowledge the effect of overdose is not very pleasant.

Side effects might include, ‘egoistic-ism,’ ‘hallucination,’ ‘bad-mouthing’ and many others. Example, the possibility of you going round gossiping about certain girl has a crush on you and when they don’t, you will go round saying she’s hungry for opposite sex. You must be mumbling WTF or swearing beneath your breath now huh? Well, that might not have been your initial agenda but it seems to be presented to me in such a way. It is like the situation that Heong Chee and I are in right now. Anyway, you need not poke in your nosey nose in this. Heong Chee and I will settle things ourselves if he is willing and has the intention to work things out. But I really have got no control if you want to lend a none helping hand.

Ya ya. I know the liberty of speech, thoughts and actions. And never have I restricted you eh. I am just expressing my thoughts of your actions. Like what you did likewise. So just go ahead and express yourself freely. You may continue your rude vile manner too, labeling me all sorts of name you like and don’t worry about me suing you for defamation. I am much more practical and realistic. I do not have that kind of money for court cases. Yeah.

Whoa make my life better ah? I am so threatened! How? You going to continue smearing my name? Strain my relationships with others? Call a gang to beat me up? Or unorthodox methods? Cursing me with voodoo dolls? Or or or!!! Punch me in my face?! It will be quite a sight to see a guy who doesn’t even dare to order Starbucks drinks, just because he haven’t ordered before, hitting a girl. But then again, I am so used to being scare. Hmmm. Let me think of a few examples. By roaches, lizards, animals, human and sometimes my own imagination! In other words, wo shi bei xia da de. I will very much like to see how you are planning on going to do about it.

Oh yeah. OUCH! Your arrow got me! But fortunately I drink Brand’s! The chicken essence that my all time favorite UTT and Lee Hom endorsed?! So I caught your arrow just that my hands hurt a little. Dang! I am beginning to follow your nonsensically style of writing. I really need to do something about it before it becomes a habit.

“Why do I have to be a gentlemen why I wanted to be nasty and harsh to a particular person,” “Your actions had always offended me, causing discomfort?” Inferring from those statements, so you mean you’ve seen right through me from the start? Hmmm. But your past actions shouted otherwise. Oh ya, we both had the wrong signals of each other. Then whoa, you are good, not only are you the miracle water, now you are the shen suan! You should really go outside the Guan Yin temple to set up your own store! Your business will sure to bloom! You should take this option into consideration, it might earn you big bucks!

And I noted that both of you only defended yourselves huh? So much of your righteousness for Kim. But one thing that I need to admit is, Kim is definitely the smartest one among us. She knows how to play her cards well, saying the right thing at the right time and to the right person. Have you noticed that throughout both posts I barely mentioned about her? Cause she did nothing for me to counter back. And unlike you, otherwise and not very wise either.

To Kim, that was a compliment by the way. And for old times’ sake, I shall just let you know how I feel la. I think it is quite doubtful as to if you can really trust bacteria. Speaking from personally experience, he might just turn his back on you with some vague and absurd reasons the next moment. He said he will not do it to any other of his friends so let’s just hope he will not do this to you la. Yeah.

With regards to your birthday, no it was not because my schedule was tight and I am unsure who you did you heard it from. But oh wells, I just thought the absence of Ah Zhou and I will be your best birthday present. Initially, Ah Zhou and I was planning to attend and we were vexing about what present to give you but then after a series of discussions and some persuasions from a couple of people, since you hate the sight of me and Ah Zhou tends to get all the attention wherever she goes, we then finally came upon the decision of not attending so that you will thoroughly enjoy your birthday. Hope you had a blast on your celebration and happy belated birthday. Hope you will always be as happy as now; you really deserve it after doing so much to get bacteria and Zhijian. Yeah yeah.

I am truly grateful to you too for introducing me to this group of great people. Jun De, Jing Mei, Hou Teck, Ya Hong. Other than Xiang, Ah Zhou, Gloria and Chee Wai, they are the ones whom have always been there to cheer me up. Yes, I love them too. *Huggies*=) Oh not forgetting Zhijian too. Though I am clueless on what his thoughts are as he has been keeping mum all this while, I still love him. He just has the X-factor la. So, my heartfelt appreciation for your gesture. Thanks.

And actually we have a question for you that puzzled us for quite some time, it’s an observation that all of us made. Why did you keep hanging on, insisting that we are you besties girlfriends when it is obvious that you weren’t happy when you were out with us and placed Zhijian and bacteria at the top priority?

Back to you, bacteria darling, you really do know me inside out huh! Yes. My lifeline is shorter than most of the people so I shall most probably die before you. And double yes, thanks again, I will definitely rest in peace. I’ll go to heaven and be able to see God and Jesus or Buddha and Guan Yin Ma. I have yet to decide my faith but I’ll figure out before I die la. However, for you, I am not sure if I’ll be able to meet you in heaven.

With your this mouth, saying those that I love will commit suicide, cursing a total stranger whom have never offended you nor met you? There’s quite a high possibility you will see Hades of Hell instead. Ooopsy daisy! *Slap my own mouth* Later I might meet you there too. It will be a great time for us to catch up but I don’t want. I like the idea of heaven better, ideal afterlife living place. =)

Oh mans, it really came to me as a surprise that I can write such long posts leh. This post has exceeded 2000 words again. You are such an inspiration to me. Oh wells, man, I’m deadbeat. I ought to turn in soon.

Oh ya ya last point and this is important, please don’t be sorry, you did not disappoint me. You indeed really live up to your name of being the most fucked up gay ever. It’s quite unbearable to see you getting upset especially when I once truly loved you. Oh before your imagination runs wild again, I loved you as a friend. Yeah. So please do cheer up, you did live up to my expectation. =)

So I supposed I’ll be hearing from you soon again? Though you said that will be your last clarification, but I bet you will miss me. You wrote back to me as soon as you came back from your Thailand exercise, with lightning speed! Feel free to write to me again But it might take a little while for me to reply you especially this period of time; all my assignments are tests are coming in. I know your opinion of SIM is quite low but we still do have work to do. We are not as relax as what you think. Or maybe if I were to be bored and lifeless as you, I just might reply you too. But if I happened to find a life, 50% 50% of chances, this might be the last time you hear from me.

Frankly speaking, in my opinion, the best option is just keep your dissatisfactions of me within yourself and I’ll hold my silence too. Though you might not dread all these, I am really sick and tired. So if you can do it, just pretend that we’ve never known each other. If Yan can cook, so can you! I’ll miss you as a friend previously but try not to miss me!

Toodle-loo (To The Loo)!

Regards,
Your lost and confused parasite =)